Browsing All posts tagged under »New Parent«

The First Cold War

April 13, 2013

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Ladies and gentlemen, sound the air raids. We have entered the cold war. Lil Johnny has his first cold. And because that’s not enough he is also teething. Bodily fluids running rampant down his face constantly. Is that snot? Is that drool? It doesn’t matter – they have joined forces and are retaliating on our […]

Spring Cleaning

April 7, 2013

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This morning while playing with Lil Johnny on the floor I looked across the room and noticed our dog was under a chair. I called to her. No answer. I called again – The dog was unresponsive. Concerned, I went to check on her and realized that it wasn’t our dog… It was, in fact, […]

Bugaboo Brigade

April 5, 2013

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Bugaboo Brigade Today I received an email inviting me to the launch party of the new Bugaboo Andy Warhol limited edition stroller. How did I get invited to this? I have no idea. I actually thought that maybe it was a joke at first. We don’t own a Bugaboo. And we have forgotten how to […]

April Drools Day

April 2, 2013

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Puddles of drool on the floor, Salvia stained shirts – dry cleaning bill soars. Dog loving it – licking up every last drop, As gross as that is – at least we don’t have to fucking mop. Teeth are coming soon, one is in sight, Screwing up everyone, not sleeping at night. Another year of […]

Sweet Things that Give Me a Toothache

March 31, 2013

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Sweet Things that give me a Toothache Let me list a few: Cosmopolitans, Bubble Yum, Jolly Ranchers, and the current baby clothes assortment that can be found in any department store. Why the pastel colors? Why the cutesie animals and soft on the eyes sweet innocent looks?    This shit gives me a toothache.    […]

Things I Googled This Week Vol. 1

March 24, 2013

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I’ve come to realize that my dependency on Google is quite horrific. As I typed a few search commands today I saw a trail on recent searches that would make Gary Busey look sane. In sake of me realizing this dependance, I thought I may share some of my searches for your enjoyment. Note all […]

12 Steps

March 22, 2013

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Over the weekend we caved. We bought the damn puree machine. Its time. Time to break the addiction of jar food. Upon seeing the all-in-one baby chef contraption out of the box I immediately started having withdrawals. Why so many knobs? What does that part do? The water goes where? Fuck. Life was so easy […]

Double Down

March 19, 2013

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Lil’ Johnny has lapped the competition. He’s officially now wearing 12 months clothes during his 6th month of life. And whats worse… They’re snug. He’s out of control. At this rate he’ll be in 18 months clothing at 9 months, 1T at 12 months, and driving at age 8. He’s like a doubled up baby […]

Irish Twins

March 17, 2013

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Doesn’t this seem to be the new trend? Everywhere I go I hear about women having children back to back and getting it over with. As soon as they can conceive after giving birth – they go for number 2. Otherwise known as Irish Twins. I don’t know about you – but my labor was […]

Jaraholic

March 15, 2013

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Hi. I’m a new mom and I’m a jaraholic. I have been feeding my son jarred food for about 2 months. I feed my son jar food because I don’t know how to cook, purée, or steam. I don’t know what half the fucking veggies are in the grocery store, and I don’t have time […]