Bite Me

Posted on August 18, 2013


I hate mosquitoes.
With a passion.

But really…who doesn’t? I know I am not alone. I really don’t think that there are people who really enjoy endlessly scratching and thus causing bleeding welts that nicely transform to acne looking scars all their legs during prime shorts season.

Wait – that doesn’t happen to you? Consider yourself a lucky one. And know that I hate you.
My blood must be sweeter than yours. It’s all the wine I drink.

And please spare me the ‘they are an important part of our ecosystem’ lecture.
I get it. And I don’t care.

Mosquitoes are the terrorists of summer. The little 4 legged bastards (are those legs?) bring worry and fear to the simple prospect of sitting in the park, walking in grass, or enjoying an alfresco cocktail. One must always be vigilant and prepared for an attack – applying sprays, lotions and chemically laden accessories in troves.

All for a family outing to the park lasting only one hour.
It bites.

Mosquitoes in our family are a whole other issue. It’s not just the annoyance and misfortune of an acne bite. My husband is allergic.

Terribly allergic.

We’re talking full out hives, rash, and blistering – a welt rash up and down with a bruise coloration that looks as if he was in a 10 strong bar fight. Sometimes the bite reaction travels up his vein and appears as if he has blood poisoning.
The time this happened he ran to the ER. True story.

He’s been to numerous doctors, had a slew of tests. Bottom line, it’s more cosmetic than anything. But a tough one to explain at work. No – that huge welt and swollen extremity isn’t from a bar fight, but you should have seen the size of the mosquito!

If he stays vigilant outside, all should be ok. We’ve adopted the same motto as the NYPD – if you see something – say something.
Yes – we have mosquito drills in our family.

So now here we are, our first summer with Lil Johnny. We’re holding our breath. Will he be allergic too? What will his reaction be? What would a rash or reaction do to such a small mini man? Will it be worse? Will it be less?

So what to do? I’ve researched every fuckin’ baby bug spray out there. We are now the proud owners of three, just in case.
Citronella candles line our terrace. We bought stock in ‘Off.’ Adopted a few pet dragon flies.

One can never be too careful.

So I have decided that to avoid spills and the sweet wafting smell attraction, I will now drink my wine from a sippy cup.

Everyone has to do their part.

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