Mom Hands

Posted on June 28, 2013


In getting ready this morning, I looked down at my hands and noticed that they were a glowing shade of white. Now I’m usually pale (ok, more like chalk) but it’s summer- so I’m a little more vanilla now. So What the hell, why my hands white?
I figured it maybe was the lighting, so I went to another room in search of a better look. But even in natural light they still looked the same – a rigid divide between hand and arm with a glaring white to dark ratio.
Weird right?
It’s as if I have a pair of white gloves on my hands. Awesome.

Michael Jackson wore one, I’m doing 2. Make it a new fashion statement?
What? You havent got your gloves yet? Loser.

So… whats the cause of this wonderful finding? Hmm, is My moisturizer bleaching my skin? Did I hit that age where melanin isn’t distributed to the farthest extreminities? Or have they been like this for a while and I’ve been too busy and sleep deprived to notice?

I considered for a minute to put self tanner on to even out the color but said fuck it. My luck the tanner would turn a bright orange and I’d have a bigger problem on my hands pun intended.

I would rather be Michael than have Carrot Top hands.

I went outside and about my day. I started thinking about how f’en hot this 90 degree shit weather is and it dawned on me. OMG. I bet this glowing coolness must be from putting SPF 275 sunblock on Lil’ Johnny. I obviously rub it in with my hands, and then must not have washed them after… And voila – we’ve got white gloves without the glove.

Or, lets call it what it is – mom hands.

Slathered mistakingly in heavy duty protectant everyday, they have remained untouched by sun for a while, essentially since warm weather started, so of course they never got an ounce of color.

They never stood a chance.

Just like Michael Jackson… I mean, come on who wears one glove and really gets away with it?

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