Fuck You Delta Airlines

Posted on June 14, 2013


How did you spend your Thursday? I spent mine in LGA airport for over 10 HOURS.
Now – that’s pretty bad right? But let me keep going.
I had a stroller with an 8 month old little Johnny with me.
Wow. Really bad, right?
I’m not done.

I had my over zealous Little Weiner dog (called the Hotdog) with us too. And The Hotdog loves to bark and run.
Now. That puts all of this high on the Oh Shit list, right?

But… That’s not even the crescendo…
We were desperately trying to get home to see an ailing family member that was on her death bed. We were told only hours left. Needless to say, time was of the essence. The pressure was on. Emotion was high.

It was all so we could say good bye.

How did it turn into 10 hours of quality time at LGA? Terrestrial downpours; high winds. Shit ass weather. No planes in; No planes out. A clusterfuck in air traffic control. LGA was literally a sea of refugees and an overly congested pool of pissed off travelers.

It was hell. It was worse then Ikea.

We were booked on an 8am direct flight. Which got changed to 8:45, which then got pushed to 9:30. Which was of course, cancelled.
Rebooked on a different flight. 11:00 departure. Pushed to 11:30. Now cancelled. Rebooked on a flight to a different, but nearby city. Canceled….. There’s a rhythm here….This is only the half of it.
Bottom line- we were booked on a total of 9 flights through the course of the hellacious day. The picture you see above is only half of our tickets. HALF.

We were supposed to fly out at 6:30am. A direct 1 1/2 hr flight. Guess what time we got a plane – to a different city in which we were originally booked?That had a connection?
We finally left LGA at 4:45 pm. 10 hours and 15 minutes later. Total travel time, door to door: 17 hours.

Look – If it’s a weather delay and no planes, it’s not the airlines fault. Obviously. I’m not one of those people who get pissed off when in the hands of Mother Nature. It is understandable.

But see the problem is – after the storm cleared and the airport reopened – it slowly became clear that they didn’t give a shit. They never even tried to help us.

Once the airport opened back up – many planes were leaving to our original intended city. But for some shitty luck scenario, we were never on those flights.
Each time we were cancelled, we ran back in line to talk once again to the customer service rep. While waiting in line we looked up all next available flights online and brought the iPad right up to the counter.
This flight leaves in an hour, it’s on time, and it shows availability… Can you please put us on the next flight?
The next flight is almost sold out… And there is a list of standby already with higher priorities than you.
Higher priority?
They have more sky miles. Also, one of your tickets was booked with miles…There’s no way you’ll get on that flight (with attitude and eye roll). No matter due to the late booking to the emergency flight, one of our tics was $800, but I guess this didn’t matter shit.

But see we’re trying desperately to get home to see someone on her death bed. I can get you any written proof you need of our dire situation. Have you no compassion? We have been rebooked on 6 flights already. (Baby crying in back ground.) We have an infant and a dog. We’ve been in this airport for over 6 hours. Please help us!
“Nothing I can do. You need to wait for the other flight in 3 hours.”
But what about the flight in 2 hours?
“That ones too full. No room on standby. Sorry- you need to wait.”

Escalated to management. They were No help either. No eye rolls this time, but the same attitude.
We begged and screamed to anyone who would listen. We stood in line for hours. We did everything we could think of to get someone to help us.

The response – There’s nothing we can do.

So wait we did. Then of course, that flight was then cancelled after waiting, while two others took off.

This happened a few times. It was pathetic.

What do I normally do in these situations? I drink. Profusely.

But see I couldn’t. I had a baby with me. Please, I would’ve rolled that stroller right up to the bar and have the bartender pour me a double. That wasn’t the problem. We had a hotdog with us… She’s not allowed in restaurants or bars. We tried.

So – here I am, with a Screaming Baby, a crazy Hotdog, and most importantly, the anxiety of trying to get home.
…and I’m SOBER.

So what did we do for 10+ hours?

Well, let me give you the tally…
Through our hours in LGA alone, and our 17+ hours in travel, we had only the following with us for baby entertainment:
1 book
1 car toy
1 baby dice toy

Thats It.
Yes, I had my phone, iPad, etc. but he doesn’t care about such items yet. Cartoons, games, infant apps don’t work. We tried.

I must have read Dr. Suess “One fish, Two fish” 562 times. This is not an exaggeration.
We played with the car on the floor on top of a spread blanket for hours, making every “vroom vroom” noise in the book.
But that’s nothing. Because, just to add panic to the already overwhelmingly stressful situation- we realized that we were going to run out of baby food. Unbelievable.

We aren’t dumb. We packed 6x the food that we needed for our original flight in our carry-on bag…That would have latest us 12 hours of travel. We thought this should suffice the 2 hour flight and then some. But our over packing wasn’t enough to sustain 18 hours of travel.

Lil Johnny isn’t on juice or milk yet, so trying these things in an airport for the first time is not a good idea (an allergic reaction while traveling would make everything even more fun)!

When we realized that a foodless baby was a possibility, we went to each and every store in the terminal, looking for formula. We went to all the airline counters for formula. We asked security officers where we can find formula. I asked the stewardess on the first plane for formula. Nothing. Everyone looked at us like we had 10 heads.

And when all this failed, I started looking for other moms/babies in hoping to borrow.

But you know how it is – when you need something, it’s no where to be found? I amazingly didn’t see one other mom/stroller/baby for hours.

So what did we do? We watered down what we had. Bought a banana, and tried to give him a pacifier when possible. It wasn’t working.

We had 5 days worth of goods in our checked baggage.
But now you can guess…our bags are now gone…on a flight going to a different city then we are booked for.

We’re traveling with a baby so one can imagine, our luggage is hell-a-important. It has diapers, wipes, food…It had everything. You know – the stuff to keep Baby alive and fed.
Look, these items can be replaced… Sure. But we are now going to be landing at an ungodly hour, in small town USA. 24 hour Duane Reade doesn’t exist. And also, there’s the need to rush home to see someone. Stopping and shopping is pretty low on the list… But that’s not even out biggest worry.

Because our car seat was checked too .

Awesome. So here we are, arriving 17 hours later, to a destination that was not the original intent, with no car seat, luggage, or food.

We ended up borrowing the only car seat from the small town USA car rental company that was broke and didn’t fit our son and having someone meet us at the airport with emergency formula.

What a shit show.

So… I’d like to say a big fuck you to LGA airport. I’ve seen ghetto gas station bathrooms more equipped than you.

And a monstrous are-you-kidding-me fuck you to Delta airlines. I will never ever-ever travel with you again. You made a hellacious day worse.
Further, I will make sure no one in my family ever travels with you again, Also any friends have been told to stay clear of your shit ass company too.

And most importantly…I warn you – It will come back around. So to the lazy bitch at the counter at Delta in LGA, Yours is coming. Karma is a bitch.
Karma is Astronomically worse than Ikea.

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