Baby Tires

Posted on May 24, 2013

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Our little man Jolly Green (Giant) has bypassed his original nickname. He now can only be referred to as the Hulk.

Not only because he favors green veggies over the orange ones, but because he’s no longer Jolly Huge…he’s incredibly huge.

The Incredible Hulk he is.

The realization came when changing him this morning…as his onesie was literally busting at the seams. And not just one seam – all seams.

His legs are stuffed in like sausages, the onesie busting across his chest, and his arms barely fit through… And that onesie was for a baby almost double his age.

Is he the baby version of the obese guy who wears shorts in winter because his legs don’t fit into jeans? Am I gonna have to cut the arms off his onesies? Is He just never going to wear long sleeve onesies again?

Oh god. Cut sleeves…??! Ewh…Will cut sleeves make him look like Larry the Cable guy? or worse…one of those roided Jersey Shore assholes?

I really don’t know what else to do…

He has rolls upon rolls upon rolls. It’s like there are little tires wrapped around each body section. He even has a tire roll at his wrist. How is that even possible.

That’s when it came to me. Oh my god.

He’s not the hulk… Remember that old school Michelin icon – that tire man cartoon? Yep. we’re now at tire cartoon icon analogies.

That’s little Johnny.

Except Lil Johnny is real….

Really big.

Help.

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