12 Steps

Posted on March 22, 2013


Over the weekend we caved. We bought the damn puree machine.

Its time. Time to break the addiction of jar food.

Upon seeing the all-in-one baby chef contraption out of the box I immediately started having withdrawals. Why so many knobs? What does that part do? The water goes where? Fuck. Life was so easy with jars.

I started freakin out.

Like a true addict I decided to tackle this one step at a time.

Step 1: let’s figure out what we should blend. A Google search yields many recipes. OK. Easy enough. Made a list of ingredients.

Step 2: find ingredients. Looking into our fridge is a joke. Unless you’re looking for a wine and ketchup purée. Then you’re in luck.

Step 3:grocery store. Should be easy enough. All fruits and veggies are in a section right? Holy hell. The veggie section is ginormous. Navigating this feels like navigating Ikea.

We pull out the list. OK. So there are the usual suspects: carrots, bananas, apples, etc. but then there’s parsnip.  It’s in 12 recipes… It must serve some importance.

I look at Dave. Do you know what this is?

He looks at me. I thought you knew?

I look back at him.  Have we met?

OK. Let’s ask someone. Which caused us both to laugh. Please. We have more luck of  having lightening strike us down inside the store  than finding someone to help us.

So I pulled out my phone. What did We do before smart phones?About 2,790,000 results (0.21 seconds). Well Google knows what a parsnip is. Show Off.

With picture in hand it then became a search-and-find mission. We literally ran around the store with my phone in hand trying to match the item to the image.

Finally we located a visually similar root to our image. Must be it? OK. Check.

Next on the list is sweet potatoes. We look around, circle the potatoes section like a fly to dog shit but can’t locate any. The only thing we see if a pile of potatoes that look like they wanna be sweet potatoes but are labeled “yams.” What the fuck? Are they similar?

At this point I start to get visually annoyed (read:dropped numerous F bombs) so we put the hopeful, visually similar, items in the cart and moved on. I’m not standing here all day looking at shit colored veggies. Period.

Step 4: Make puree. Back home we settle on a recipe – Carrot, sweet potato, and parsnip purée. Between the washing, steaming, chopping, peeling, and whining the total Cooking time: 2 hours.

Yes, that said 2 hours.

Add in the time spent staring at veggies trying to figure out what the hell a parsnip is = 47 hours.

Step 5: Feed baby. Get little man in his chair, strap him in, camera out.

He opens wide, funny face, and then…..! hates it.  Not only does he hate it he starts gagging.  He was dry heave gagging to the point I thought I was going to have to Google infant CPR. Scarey is an understatement. He almost choked.

The first meal we cooked for our son was almost his last. Unbelievable.

With this I retreated to the kitchen and pulled out the jarred sweet potato.

Hello. My name is New Mom and I’m still a jaraholic.

My first stint in rehab is a bust.  This must be how Lindsey Lohan feels.

Lessons learned: True recovery takes 12 steps. And never buy parsnip.

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