White is the New Tan

Posted on March 3, 2013

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I have pale skin. I have a very fair complexion. Always have. But this new shade of pale is something for the record books. I’m beyond just pale. I’m chalk. Dry and lacking life.

This is what happens when you and the sun don’t talk anymore and you and the bed meet on a limited basis. Also, its winter. Deprived of vitamin D, moisture, and life in general.

The other day my husband took a pic of me and the baby and I literately had to squint to see my ass – I completely blended in with our white walls in the background. Holy shit.

I just added self tanner to the Duane Reade list. You know – Duane Reade sells everything, do you think they sell sleep too? In bulk?

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